My sleep schedule is completely fucked up, and even though I do get a full seven hours some nights, I’m perpetually tired. They say you either absolutely love your FOCUS classes, or you hate them. Although the people in my classes are pretty chill, I’m probably leaning towards the latter when it comes to the appreciation of my classes. I just might have made a bad decision. I also have no idea what I want to major in. I loved math until I stepped foot into Calculus 122L, and now I swear I will never be a math major. So if that Duke math > UNC math shirt is really true, maybe I should just think about transferring. I absolutely love Visual Arts, but will that really get me a job? I admire the people who major in Philosophy, but I don’t think I could ever possibly handle those dense readings about the meaning of life. I can’t say that I don’t love discussing it, but trying to decipher Kant’s ideas might not be my forte. In addition to that, I’m a horrible writer and I’m not eloquent in my speech. I really like Dr. Roy, and Chemistry 101 has been amazing so far. So this week (and probably only this week, that is) I think I want to be a Chemistry major! I’ve lost hope in believing that I’m smart anymore. I’m consider myself a little below average because I am perpetually comparing myself to all of the other established people in our class who own non-profits and who have special talents. Although I worked hard to get here, I don’t always push myself as much as I should be. Some nights I work really hard, and some nights I slack off to the highest power possible of slacking off. There’s something missing from my “Duke Experience.” I’ve always been in a small school setting in which I could know everyone else in my class. I feel so weird, almost trapped, that I only have a few small circles of friends. Although I’m surrounded by thousands of people, I feel lonely. Maybe coming into college with my pre-orientation “cult” prevented me from branching out more and maybe I should have met more people during O-week. Everyone I know is involved with so many different extra-curriculars, but I never get into anything I apply to. But at the same time, I’m already spreading myself too thin.
BUT DON’T GET ME WRONG, I absolutely love Duke. I consider it home. My nomadic life prohibits me from really thinking anywhere is home, but I think this is where I really do want to spend the next four years of my life. I love the ever-changing weather that forces us to change our outfit three times a day to adjust to the climate changes. I love having the all you can eat buffet that we call Marketplace where you can just spend hours of your evening (but seriously, I spend way too much time eating). I love studying at Lily, not because it’s quiet but because I admire the stunning architecture and the way that everyone encourages me to study long nights. Most importantly, I love the people here. Although we are all here from very diverse backgrounds, we all have one thing in common. We are intellects. We love to learn new things. I love how there’s such a wide range of people to talk to. While talking to some people (I’m guessing the ones who got bored of the “What’s your name? Where are you from?” small talk) I immediately felt comfortable sharing my personal values with them. Unintentional conversations about race, philosophy, and religion arose out of nowhere and ended up being carried out for a good hour or two. There are some people I’ve connected with that I feel like I’ve known for years. And that’s what really makes me so excited about being here, and it’s definitely the reason I get up every morning – to meet all of you.